My teeth and I have had rather a week of it, which is why I am blogging a day late - the Beamish Boy wasn't here yesterday and, in my codeine-befuddled state, I couldn't remember how to switch on the laptop...
Whether it was the stress of going out, or the result of gritting my broken teeth as I concentrated on navigating, I don't know. All I know is that I developed something nasty under my teeth, which has taken a week of antibiotics to kill off, and a large amount of codeine to subdue.
Anyway, once I get the All Clear, I can force myself to visit a dentist. Yes, I have found one - not only an NHS dentist who is still taking patients, but a wheelchair-accessible one too.
They weren't easy to find, even with the help of one of those Patient Helplines that we're always being told to ring. I explained that I needed a wheelchair-accessible NHS dentist whose books were still open.
"Oh, yes!" the lady said, brightly. "We would recommend Tiggywinkle's Tooth Emporium1 on Steep Street."
"Is that the one halfway up a steep cobbled hill, with no car park?"
"That's the one!" she replied, cheerfully.
"OK," I said carefully, "but it's not really wheelchair-accessible, then, is it?"
"Ah," she said, ruffling a few papers. "Then what about Dingly Dell Divine Dentists?"
"Three stories up, and no lift," I reminded her.
This had her stumped. "We-ell..." She ruffled a little more. "The Pixie Palace for Pearly Teeth?"
"It's a converted terrace house," I pointed out. "There's not exactly a lot of room inside; remember, I need it to be wheelchair-accessible."
She sighed a deep sigh. "Well, I can think of one place," she said, "but it's outside of the town."
"Is it an NHS practice?"
"Is it still taking new patients?"
"And is it wheelchair-accessible?"
"It's a hospital," she muttered. "Own car park, all on one level, automatic doors. But I don't know whether it will suit you..."
"Why on earth wouldn't it suit me?"
"Because you said Durham City, and this one's three miles outside..."
I am delighted to report that I didn’t call her a Rude Name, but thanked her politely, took the hospital's phone number, and hung up...
So, another little adventure looms. I don't know how soon they'll be able to fit me in, but I'm hoping it will be in the next couple of weeks. Yes, gentle reader, my life is indeed full of Excitement and Adventure and Really Wild Things :)
1. Names have been changed to protect the innocent Durham dentists who practice in listed buildings and therefore can't install lifts...
PS. Tigger says I should do what he does, and sharpen my teeth on Chloe...